It turns out that over years of alcohol use, I had wired my brain to respond to stress, fear, discomfort - or on the flip side - excitement, celebrations, happiness, with alcohol. Looking back at Past Me, I can see now when I attempted moderation, how deeply I wanted to be a woman of my word. I just didn’t know how to do it yet.

I had many breaks from drinking (including a number of Dry January challenges) before I finally quit. But each one brought me closer to that last Day 1.

There is no trending reel that highlights the physical effects of that top seller cocktail: the hangover, the headache. Or the feelings of guilt, shame, or regret. There is no warning label that the to-do list you had for tomorrow will in fact not get done. 

This is the problem with alcohol glamorization. We are focused on the here and now, short term satisfaction. Not the series of events that will happen after you have that first drink.